Not Being Too Tough on Ourselves

Even with strong self-awareness and emotional intelligence, we won’t always feel at our best — and that’s okay. Growth becomes sustainable when we replace self-criticism with authenticity and steady reflection.

In a recent reflection, Dr. Robert Graves reminds us that growth is not about perfection but practice. “This one is about not being too self-critical,” he says, acknowledging the gap between what we teach and what we consistently do. Even while mapping emotional intelligence and value systems, he admits, “I used to do it constantly… and I do it less and less now.” This honesty reflects the core of the EIVSOM Learning System — observation without harsh judgment.

Last week, he shares, “My week did not get off to the start… I couldn’t find it.” Despite strong monitoring and awareness, rhythm didn’t come. The lesson? “We’re not always going to be feeling great… and that’s absolutely okay.” Emotional intelligence includes accepting fluctuation. Research shows we cannot sustain heightened states indefinitely — there must be natural ups and downs.

Ultimately, this reflection is about congruence. “Be authentic in how you are and how you’re feeling and working within that.” Noticing patterns, adjusting expectations, and softening self-criticism are part of long-term development. Sustainable growth is not intensity — it is rhythm.