What Is Emotional Intelligence? An EIVSOM Perspective

From the EIVSOM perspective, emotional intelligence is the ability to consciously understand, manage, and use emotions—our own and others’—to support clear decision-making and psychological well-being.

Emotional intelligence is often confused with emotional suppression, but Dr. Robert Graves explains it very differently within the EIVSOM framework. Emotional intelligence is “the ability to understand and manage your emotions and also to understand the emotions of others.” It is not about hiding what we feel, but about becoming aware of emotions and using them consciously.

According to Dr. Graves, emotions function as indicators. He notes that emotions are “really just indicators of how we feel about what we’re thinking.” When we ignore or misunderstand them, decision-making suffers. When we understand why an emotion is present and what it is signaling, we gain clarity and choice rather than reactivity.

Emotional intelligence also does not mean the absence of emotion. Instead, it means recognizing emotional states, understanding their meaning, and deciding how to behave while experiencing them. This allows emotions to inform decisions rather than control them.

The goal is not emotional neutrality, but appropriate emotional use. When emotional intelligence is developed, the full range of human emotion becomes a source of insight rather than overwhelm. Within the EIVSOM model, this awareness strengthens decision-making, allowing choices to emerge from clarity instead of reactivity. As emotional intelligence increases, actions align more naturally with values, ethics, and meaning—creating the conditions for sustained psychological contentment rather than momentary emotional relief.